"With great power comes great responsibility." - Spiderman
I've had complaints from readers about the credibility of some of my stories; I admit, some of them may be slightly false, but the story that I'm about to convey, is unbelievably true...
Last summer, I was cutting up a particularly tough stalk of celery when the knife slipped; it cut straight through the fleshy part of my thumb. I felt a sharp pain when it happened, but was surprised that I was not bleeding; I had never cut myself in my entire life. I looked at my flesh wound, expecting that blood would gush out any moment, but nothing happened. The flesh was white and squishy, I peeled the skin back and prodded it; strange, I had no sensation. I pulled the skin back further and a piece of white flesh fell out. I picked it up from the cutting board and examined it; it looked so familiar.
It wasn't until that I tried to stuff my flesh back beneath the flap of skin, that I realised what it was. The smell had seemed familiar to me when I sniffed it; it was crab meat. I put it to my lips as my heart drummed faster, touched it with my tongue, mmmm, I took a bite... This was no ordinary crab meat: this was imitation crab meat; I was made of imitation crab meat! Then my whole life suddenly began to make sense; all these years, and now it all comes together. I understood why children have always found me so fun to hang around with; it's because kids LOVE imitation crabmeat, they thrive on it.
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