The thing that I've noticed about creative people is that they also have a tendency towards extreme paranoia.
The other morning I woke up stinking of shit in my bed, I was rolling in a cesspit of maggots and stale vomit. The night before had been a frenetic orgy of creative output as I finished the last few thousand words of the novel's chapter. I looked into the mirror and a poor man's Jesus looked back at me, he wasn't going to bless me; he just sneered and drooled, scolding me with those crazy insane eyes. I had enough, too many people hated me and they were all laughing at me; I went out to find a victim.
It's a tough life being a comedian who hates laughter. I'm surrounded by hyenas everywhere, all waiting to pounce on me and make a light meal of me. I go on the internet and the words, 'LOL' start the cogs of paranoia spinning in my mind. 'Hahaha, you're so funny!' he said, before I punched him to the floor and tied the bastard up with the duct tape that I happened to be carrying with me.
When he came around, I smacked him in the face a couple of times. He looked at me with cowardly fear. I grabbed a baseball bat, 'You think I'm funny eh? I'll show you whats funny...' and I bashed his legs in as he screamed. 'Cry for your mummy you bastard.' That's one of the great things about doing standup shows, you always get to bring home a victim; unfortunately you can't grab the whole crowd; that's why I'm trying to build up an army.
"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." - Dr. Seuss
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