Whores in My Bed

I woke up stressed today. Grrrr stressed. I woke up and I was just so fucking stressed. I paced around the room, growling and scratching my head, then took deep angry inhalations of the scalp residue on my fingertips. I was sexually fustrated. I needed a fucking fuck -fuck!

I found five hundred bucks hidden under my mattress and found an escort agency listed at the back of Now Magazine. For those who don't know, Now Magazine is a free newspaper covering cultural news and events around Toronto; it's got great articles, and an even better back section that caters to the needs of angry, stressed and sexually fustrated Torontonians.

So I screamed 'fuck' at the top of my voice as I stared at the phone, I gripped the notes so hard that the bills could be heard crunching, the paper tearing into my flesh. I screamed 'fuck' at the phone again, but it did not respond, I went over to the phone. I tapped the number in with much skill and agility, I even managed a self satisfied smirk at how clever I was.

'Good evening!' said a cheerful little voice on the other side of line, 'Nuremburger Escorts, how can I help you?'

'I need to fuck. Excuse me, I'll rephrase that... I need to fuck some stinky old whores.' I shouted.

'You'd like to book an escort tonight?'

'I need to fuck. I need about three bitches, preferably stinky and old.' I replied impatiently.

'I'm sorry, our oldest escorts are twenty-five.'

'Get some fucking stinky old whores and I'll pay double.'

'Hold on one minute sir.' she put me on hold, a few minutes later a man spoke on the other side.
'Hello sir, we'll be more than happy to accomodate your request...'

I had arranged to meet the bitches at McDonalds on Yonge Street. The agency didn't send escorts to the client's location. After the phonecall, I put down the receiver, tore the telephone cord out of its socket and threw the telephone through the glass window.

Not long after the designated time, three old whores did turn up. Two were wheelchair bound, and the third was in a zimmer frame. The agency had done a great job and managed to find these ladies that fit my age requirement of over eighty years old.

'I'm hungry.' said the toothless old bitch in the zimmer frame. The other two in the wheelchair nodded in agreement.

'For fuck's sake!' I snapped, 'I need a fuck!'

'No fucking young man, until we eat...'

'Okay, okay, let's go into McDonald's...' I said.

They expected me to pay for the meal, so I bought a large fries to share between the three of them. We sat at a table next to the women's toilets, and I watched them suck their fries while I anxiously looked at the time.

'My name's Doris.' said one of the old slags.

'Eat faster bitch!' I reply.

'So how long have you been in the escort business for Doris?' says another crippled old slapper.

'Only a month, I'm saving up to buy my grand daughter a Christmas present.' replies Doris.

I grab the fries on the tray, and then toss them across the room. 'Okay, let's go. I'm stressed out...' I say.

After carrying all three of the old biddies, not to mention their wheels chairs, zimmer frame and oxygen tank, up the four flights of stairs to my room, I fall down on the bed, exhausted. A few minutes later, a horrid smell fills my nasal cavities. I open my eyes and notice the old bints removing their clothing. These old bitches have already had a headstart in decomposition; the fucking cheating slags!

The old bitches leap on top of me and tear my clothes off with their teeth.

'You've got a small room,' said one of the whores, 'but you've got a big penis for a Chinese guy.'

They raped every inch of me against my will. Forcing me to ejaculate all over their wrinkled saggy bodies. They kept sucking me long after I was drained. They licked my body and forced me to stick my fingers into their stinky soiled twats.

When they left, I discovered that the five hundred bucks that I had left on the coffee table had doubled into a thousand bucks.