8.06.2006

Macaroni & Cheese Dinner From a Box

I've been in Canada for so long now, that I'm starting to turn Italian.

Canada is most famous for Kraft dinner. That's a dinner in a box, some pasta and some cheese powder; just add water and heat it up. It's so great living in the future isn't it?!

Today, was a special occasion; I cooked my first Kraft dinner, well to be honest, it wasn't really Kraft, it was a no name brand, but close enough. Sometimes, one likes to take a break from tearing the flesh from animal bones so one can enjoy something man-made and artificial instead.

I ripped open the box of macaroni cheese dinner with my teeth, after I had tossed it around the room and chased it a few times. There was the dried macaroni, and a bag of flourescent orange powder...

The powder looked like it had not originated from this planet; it was almost crystalline and seemed to glow significantly. A quick check on Google, revealed that the powder was indeed alien; manufactured in an offworld human slave colony that was over thirty light years away. The alien overlords had been trading our precious metals in return for their cheese mixture.

The meal had the texture of mini intestines; slimy and slippery. The box made two breakfast bowls full, I ate while gagging repeatedly. I looked up at the stars through the window as I forced the food down my throat, I am eating soylent green.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

I remember seeing a horror movie (can't remember the name), in which a box of Kraft dinner fell out of a kitchen cupboard in a trailer and everyone jumped - we were expecting a body part to tumble out, because I think it was a dismemberment type of movie.
KD should have won an Oscar!

Frances

Unknown said...

LOL- too funny...

However, KD can be good- just add some sautéed hot dogs and onions, or some frozen broccoli... if you want to get really creative, add a slice of processed cheese for some extra alien goodness.

God... I really am trailer trash.

Pope Richard Corey said...

I'll bet it's even better with a side of Weiner Soup.

Zombiehellmonkey said...

Nothing is as good as the taste of the real flesh of a cow monster.