Strange Drurgs: Murshrooms

While I was trekking across the fields of the naturally hostile countryside looking for bumble bees to kill, I encountered a strange looking fungi. 'What are you?' I asked the mushroom inquisitively, 'I have never encountered any of your kind before.' It remained silent.

I scanned the vicinity for people then bent my knees and lowered the upper torso that bore my head towards the lifeform. 'What the fuck are you?' I spat impatiently. The mushroom audaciously stood it's ground. I shook a tight fist at the mushroom and growled at it.

'Then if you will not tell me, then I must eat you!' In one smooth action, I swooped a hand through the air, plucked it from the ground and fed it into my oral interface. 'Ha, ha, ha, I am chewing you, I am chewing you!' I said as it squished between my teeth.

I skipped home merrily, laughing all the way back.

I was standing in the kitchen looking at three of my close friends. They were staring at me with jaws wide open.

'What the hell are you doing?' said Jane with a mixture of concern and confusion in her voice as her eyes gestured towards my hand.

In my hand, I was holding a bar of soap. The next minute, I was eating the bar of soap and singing Christmas carols backwards.

'Jesus H fucking Christ, he's gone completely nuts!' said Bob.

I found myself in the bathroom smearing shit all over my body while singing 'Sweet Caroline'. I laughed a crazy laugh, and I thought to myself that this is what crazy people go through; I'm going crazy!

It was pitch black on the other side of the window, I was sitting in a bathrobe on the couch with Jennifer and Jane on either side. I was clutching a pen and scribbling frantically in a sketchpad.

'What is he doing?' asked Jane to Jennifer.

Then my voice spoke, 'I'm silly guy.'

I looked at the sketchpad, and watched the drawing evolve before my eyes, the pen had a mind of it's own. The scratching noise that it made with the paper started to form music, a percussive rhythm. Another sound jumped in; my other hand was using an eraser to add another layer of noise. I closed my eyes, and felt the music overwhelm me. Suddenly, a scream, I opened my eyes. I was eating a cigarette while staring at the drawing that I had made, it was a picture of me having sex with Jennifer. A hand grabbed the cigarette and pulled it out of my mouth.

Meanwhile, a bunch of strangers dressed in black had entered my house. They looked like eastern european bohemian beatniks. 'Who are you?' I whispered weakly. They sat around the kitchen table, harrassing me with their little beady eyes while they sneered.

'I'm just a poor boy and nobody loves me!' I croaked.

'He's just a poor boy from a poor family!' they choired in response.

A face appeared before me, I was staring at a pair of closed eyelids. The owner of the face was Jennifer and she was moaning; I was having sex with Jennifer! 'I must make a baby!' said my voice, 'I must make more of me!' I heard myself roar.

I was standing before a huge audience in a theatre, they applauded rapturously, and I took a bow. I was hunched over the bathroom sink splashing cold water onto my face as I stood up from the bow. I looked into a mirror before me and a haggard old man looked back at me. 'What's happening to me?' I asked.

'This is life. This is the stage.' He zoomed out, and I could see that he was now standing very far from me, yet I could still hear him talk as if he were against my ear, 'Life is one big play. Do you like to play?'