Conversation about Life

Lee says:
hey
Lee says:
I'm stoned and I'm writing
Kerry says:
haha
Kerry says:
so that's what you've been doing all night.
Lee says:
yes getting stoned
Lee says:
I figured out the meaning of life
Kerry says:
42?
Lee says:
but because of the fact that I am insane, nobody will believe me
Lee says:
also that there is no such thing as insanity
Kerry says:
I don't think you're insane.
Lee says:
The meaning of life, is that you get to choose your life
Kerry says:
yes. I've always thought so.
Lee says:
and learn to stick with your choice
Kerry says:
well, I haven't always thought so, but I do think that.
Lee says:
I think you can actually change your life
Lee says:
I believe that the fabric of reality can be altered to ones desires
Kerry says:
do you mean in a dimensional sort of way?
Lee says:
there is no time, just a picture, you can blink, and the picture will change
Lee says:
if you have enough understanding, you can alter your life from start to finish.
Kerry says:
do you think you can do that? yourself, personally?
Lee says:
I have done it!!!!
Kerry says:
you have?
Lee says:
I am proof that it's possible
Kerry says:
when did you do it?
Lee says:
I have become self sufficient!
Kerry says:
in what way?
Lee says:
I think at 25 when I did a big lsd trip
Kerry says:
ok, go on..
Lee says:
the trip actually changed, altered my reality
Lee says:
but I didn't know it at the time. Now my reality is exactly the way I asked for it, but there is always a price to pay for that
Lee says:
But I can pay it back by explaining that everyone can do it
Kerry says:
tell me about the price.
Lee says:
and I am a living example
Kerry says:
what sort of price?
Lee says:
the price is constant paranoia from people who think I'm either crazy, insane, or too damn lucky
Lee says:
There was never any luck
Kerry says:
nor crazy or insanity
Kerry says:
how do you do it then? explain it to me.
Lee says:
I almost remember another life, where I failed to do it
Kerry says:
really? what do you remember?
Lee says:
I remember that it was very similar to this one, the alternate realities vary in an eternity of subtle ways
Kerry says:
do things look different, or just sort of 'feel' different...
Lee says:
but if you push parts enough, they can change radically
Kerry says:
?
Lee says:
I'm trying to explore whether the process requires much memory loss
Kerry says:
hmm... I can see how it might...
Lee says:
I know for radical changes, they will be harder to remember
Lee says:
Everyone has been looking for this answer
Lee says:
I realized I have to show people how to do it
Lee says:
Firstly they must understand and have faith that the reality in which they live in, exists in two parts
Kerry says:
what are the two parts?
Lee says:
one is mallible, and the other is not. One is the software, and one is the hardware.
Kerry says:
ok, that makes sense.
Lee says:
so in order to reconfigure your life, we must accept that we are able to do it
Kerry says:
ok, so once you've come to that realization, then what happens.
Kerry says:
if my questions are distracting, I can stop, if you'd rather just tell me.
Lee says:
we have to take a look at our lives, and find what we are looking for. If we really want it, then we should just take it as a path of exploration
Kerry says:
yes, that's right for sure!
Lee says:
hmmm sounds a bit simple
Lee says:
the problem with language
Lee says:
i just read it, and realized it conveys a different message
Kerry says:
that's true. its not easy to describe an abstract problem.
Kerry says:
ok
Lee says:
Okay, here goes...
Lee says:
every philosopher who has experienced this alter reality has seen reality from afar
Lee says:
they can't explain it.
Lee says:
But they were once people who really wanted to do it, and set themselves, their lives to it.
Kerry says:
ok, go on.
Lee says:
do you think you can change your parents? that is really the question. Can you change your past?
Kerry says:
no, I don't think you can. but at the same time, you can change the way you see your parents. your angle on what they're like can change - your perspective.
Lee says:
no! you're talking in the present
Kerry says:
that's what happens when people get older - easier to relate to them...
Kerry says:
ok
Kerry says:
you're asking me if I can 'actually' change them.
Lee says:
I'm talking about altering reality
Kerry says:
if I think I can.
Kerry says:
I'm not sure.
Kerry says:
I can imagine that there are ways...
Kerry says:
but then I start thinking about alternate dimensions where everything is different in some way.
Kerry says:
almost identical, but different in subtle ways that might be hard to see...
Kerry says:
is that more what you mean?
Lee says:
thats why when you change your life, it can only change subtley, the greater changes can only happen with faith
Lee says:
nobody has enough faith to change it for completely worse or better
Lee says:
but enough to make small changes to improve their own life and others
Kerry says:
so when you were 25 and had this LSD experience, can you explain what changes were made to your own life?
Kerry says:
I mean, do you actually know what they were?
Lee says:
yes!
Kerry says:
can you tell me?
Kerry says:
that might help me understand.
Lee says:
I imagined myself riding a scooter on lsd, I wanted a bike.
Lee says:
I won a scooter, in a competition
Kerry says:
oooooooooohhhhh
Lee says:
isn't that weird
Kerry says:
that's right, you did!
Kerry says:
that's very weird!
Lee says:
I wanted my parents to be successful
Lee says:
they became successful
Lee says:
my life is so strange, I have learnt to control it, but I know it sounds crazy
Kerry says:
It doesn't sound crazy, but its definitely bizarre.
Kerry says:
I believe that anything is possible.
Lee says:
the meaning of life is to learn that your choices will affect other people's lives and also punish you accordingly
Kerry says:
do you feel that you willed those things to happen?
Kerry says:
what about choices you make for yourself?
Lee says:
I did will those things to happen, and it happened
Lee says:
it was the choice I made, so I can do what I do
Lee says:
it sounds like just wishing, but it's not, it's about being open
Kerry says:
you made the choice during the LSD trip?
Lee says:
we've been programmed to think that we don't have the ability
Kerry says:
no, I understand the difference...
Lee says:
the distractions stop us doing it
Kerry says:
maybe you managed to tap into a part of your brain that other people don't know how to use.
Kerry says:
some kind of connection was made.
Lee says:
my life I have created, it is so strange
Lee says:
but it somehow works
Kerry says:
but what about for yourself?
Lee says:
although it has created interest, it has also created a clown image of who I really am
Kerry says:
aren't there things you would want to happen to your own life?
Lee says:
I am doing it!
Kerry says:
what are you doing then? right now?
Lee says:
next time you are here with me, something good will happen to your life
Kerry says:
do you know what it is?
Lee says:
What I want in my life, is freedom from slavery
Lee says:
and I got it, partly, not without repercussions of course, but that is for my ego to deal with
Lee says:
because the things I say, might make me sound better than everyone else
Lee says:
but I'm not
Lee says:
I was there once
Lee says:
that's why I've spent such a long time studying it.
Kerry says:
you were where once? better, or just thought you were better?
Kerry says:
ok, I understand that.
Lee says:
there is no such thing as better
Lee says:
there is whatever suits you
Kerry says:
so now you're saying that something good will happen with my life, does that mean you've been willing something ot happen?
Lee says:
we're afraid to ask for something, that doesn't seem right, so we end up punishing ourselves by dreaming of hardship
Lee says:
the thing is, I don't know if I have the ability to change your life, or whether people must do it on their own
Lee says:
for a start, I don't know your life
Lee says:
but I know that you would like to have more free time to pursue your interests
Lee says:
I think that's very important.
Lee says:
So you might want to be able to have that time, but you yourself have to think how you can change your past/future in order for that to happen
Lee says:
i'm actually am aware that this stuff sounds crazy
Lee says:
I have done things to alter my situation

The following message could not be delivered to all recipients:
So you might want to be able to have that time, but you yourself have to think how you can change your past/future in order for that to happen

The following message could not be delivered to all recipients:
i'm actually am aware that this stuff sounds crazy

Kerry says:
I'm sorry - msn kicked me out
Kerry says:
you've done things to alter your situation.
Kerry says:
do you mean in a general 'all encompassing' way, or specific things?
Lee says:
So you might want to be able to have that time, but you yourself have to think how you can change your past/future in order for that to happen

Kerry says:
I might have missed some of what you said when I got kicked offline.
Lee says:
i said that my life will have people that will help me out so I can pursue the discovery
Lee says:
okay it doesn't matter
Kerry says:
of course it matters. I probably didn't miss much.
Kerry says:
if anything.
Lee says:
I think it's hard to persuade you, as it would be to myself when I'm not in this zone
Kerry says:
don't forget, you were talking about this very thing on Saturday night, and i was just as stoned as you were.
Kerry says:
I've been thinkingn about it a lot ever since.
Lee says:
what would you say, if I told you that I had a dream of all the people that I now know
Kerry says:
tell me about it.
Lee says:
everyone says that 'life is not what it seems' have you heard this?
Kerry says:
of course.
Lee says:
because they are trying to explain this! Life works on a higher level
Lee says:
the mundane reality surrounds us with distractions, we must break out of it
Lee says:
and to do it, we must dream how we want it
Kerry says:
'assaulted by sound'... yeah, I totally get that.
Lee says:
not just sounds, but by feeling the need to comply
Lee says:
it stops us from being able to be in the zone and altering our lives for the better
Kerry says:
are you trying to tell me that you've dreamt about everyone you now know, before you even met anyone?
Lee says:
YES!
Kerry says:
I know not just sounds, that was what it made me think of.
Lee says:
we have met all before, at a different party
Kerry says:
when did you have that dream?
Kerry says:
you were saying that the other night!
Lee says:
when I was on lsd
Kerry says:
but I didn't get what you meant by that
Kerry says:
are you sure it was us?
Kerry says:
that was a long time ago...
Lee says:
you're all familiars
Lee says:
people appear familiar in the altered state because you see that you have met them
Kerry says:
no wonder you were talking about feeling disconnected (my word, not yours).
Lee says:
each time, in a different version of your life
Kerry says:
did you just realize this the other day? or have you always known this?
Lee says:
I could have chosen a life of homelessness or extreme luxury
Kerry says:
...that you had met us all before
Lee says:
I have kind of realized it before, but I got scared and paranoid, I thought I was going mad, but it makes absolute sense now
Kerry says:
you've thought you've met me before?
Lee says:
i have been scared and paranoid for my life since 25, and been living a life that is out of control, now I am able to control it
Lee says:
I remember, you said to me, 'I want to be your soulmate'
Lee says:
I remember you have said that to me before
Kerry says:
really?
Kerry says:
that's weird!
Lee says:
I know, I got more weirded out
Kerry says:
do you remember anything else about that?
Kerry says:
did I say that to you on the weekend? that I wanted to be your soulmate? I remember there was a conversation about soulmates.
Lee says:
i didn't talk about soulmates
Lee says:
my life is the perfect example of how you can control your life
Kerry says:
I think you did at one point... but it was abstract
Lee says:
I have made it weird, to prove it
Lee says:
I was talking about the levels
Kerry says:
yes, mostly.
Kerry says:
you were also talking about clues...
Lee says:
no, only in my blog
Lee says:
but those ideas are more refined now
Kerry says:
and about how you made it all happen.
Lee says:
I wrote them as they came to me, but if I wrote it again, it'll be more refined, although I risk losing the rawness
Lee says:
I feel that the people I know, and have met, I myself have created the situation that we are all together
Lee says:
I have drawn people that are intelligent and beautiful enough to understand what I have to say with an open mind
Kerry says:
you were talking about it on the weekend too.
Kerry says:
yes, that would be the difference. you've been thinking about it non-stop since I think.
Lee says:
I want to show people, but it does require them to be open
Kerry says:
you were talking about it on the weekend, not writing it. but you may have written about it before.
Kerry says:
yes, that's what you were saying!
Kerry says:
do you remember telling me that I weaved some kind of a trap?
Lee says:
oh yeah, I was just paranoid
Lee says:
i read it wrong
Kerry says:
what were you thinking though? its been bothering me.
Lee says:
i meant it in the sense that you caught me
Kerry says:
I caught you? how?
Lee says:
you brought me back to the truth
Lee says:
I have been lost
Kerry says:
it sounded as though you were angry with me. you kept saying "you know".
Lee says:
oh yeah I remember
Kerry says:
I still don
Kerry says:
I still don't know.
Lee says:
you know what that whole camping thing was about
Kerry says:
in what respect? I need some context
Kerry says:
all I know is that I felt blamed for something at the time.
Lee says:
you wanted me to tell you how to get there and be able to do it
Kerry says:
that's what it was?
Lee says:
yes
Lee says:
my life situation also closes me off to people, I have been opened by my experience
Kerry says:
I wasn't sure, because it seemed to be a very sudden thing to say, in the midst of everything else we were talking about.
Kerry says:
by your LSD experience? Or by some more recent experience.
Kerry says:
?
Lee says:
by the camping trip
Kerry says:
yes, I can see that.
Kerry says:
are you still feeling very positive about it all?
Lee says:
i wish i could prove my beliefs but you're asking for a miracle, and I can't do that
Kerry says:
I don't mean to sound like I'm asking for a miracle. I'm just trying to understand.
Kerry says:
Its becoming more clear
Kerry says:
in bits and peices
Kerry says:
its very hard to understand someone's entire thought process. it could take a lifeltime sometimes.
Lee says:
i was watching a documentary today that says that our lives are fucked because our culture is removed from the psychoative tradition that has been with us since the beginning of time
Lee says:
all cultures before this era, embraced the religious psychoactive experience
Kerry says:
that's true
Lee says:
we have other drugs to suppress us, to prevent us from being creative and free, but also to stop us from pursuing our dreams
Kerry says:
yeah
Lee says:
we free ourselves by belief and it changes our life
Lee says:
I have money in the bank to support myself
Kerry says:
you know, I wonder if there wasn't something strange going on in the sandbanks this weekend. there was an awful lot of introspection going on this weekend.
Lee says:
I have freetime
Lee says:
to think and share my experience with others
Kerry says:
that's a lot to have going on.
Kerry says:
really.
Lee says:
everyone can do it!
Kerry says:
most people don't have that luxury - the free time is the most important.
Lee says:
not just me! you can make it happen
Lee says:
that's what we're told to believe
Lee says:
and it stops us from allowing our consciousness to be what it can
Lee says:
those luxuries come with enlightenment
Kerry says:
how can it? too many 'earthly' concerns. that's the problem. we live in a world that has too much unimportant shit going on.
Lee says:
I'm trying to say, that you alter your reality, by willing it
Lee says:
I have done it to my own
Lee says:
I am living it
Lee says:
I have the freetime
Kerry says:
'freedom'time.
Lee says:
people are scared of freedom
Lee says:
they are scared of what it represents
Lee says:
they think that freedom is the end of everything that we know
Lee says:
freedom from compliance, allows us to change our reality
Kerry says:
we've created a world that doesn't allow freedom.
Lee says:
we are the writers of the book we call life
Lee says:
yes!
Lee says:
because alot of people don't want it
Kerry says:
that's right.
Kerry says:
they need to be told how to live.
Lee says:
we could all be living in a world with no rules
Lee says:
but we are programmed to feel guilty for breaking them
Kerry says:
exactly.
Lee says:
the rules are there to make us feel bad and to suppress us
Kerry says:
just look at all the single adults in their 30's who are a disappointment to their families who want them to be married with a house and kids.
Lee says:
and when we are suppressed, we forget that we can change our lives by raising our consciousness and therefore allowing our lives to be easier
Kerry says:
definitely!
Kerry says:
one small step at a time can change everything.
Kerry says:
the hardest part is getting past the fear.
Lee says:
no, I don't think you understand completely
Kerry says:
i'm trying!!
Lee says:
i'll give an example
Kerry says:
ok
Lee says:
imagine where you lived in a world where everyone was granted one wish, what would you wish for?
Kerry says:
is this a hypothetical question?
Lee says:
yes
Kerry says:
ok. so I have one wish.
Lee says:
anything
Kerry says:
ok, so you want me to answer! ok. I would wish for ...
Kerry says:
like Buttercup says, I would wish for true love.
Kerry says:
now what.
Lee says:
then if you wished for that, then your life will alter accordingly
Lee says:
I could not say what would happen
Lee says:
but you may end up meeting your true love, but it might end up being a woman
Lee says:
what I'm trying to say, is that whatever you wish for, you'll likely get something that you least likely expected
Lee says:
say if someone wished for world peace, what would happen?
Kerry says:
I would never have assumed that it could work any other way.
Kerry says:
world peace, true love, wealth...
Lee says:
those things can also have negative repercussions, although well intended
Kerry says:
those things are things that would happen in a miriad of ways.
Kerry says:
that's true.
Kerry says:
like the saying goes "be careful what you wish for, you might get it".
Lee says:
I've come to the realisation, that it is what karma is
Lee says:
you wish to be a multimillionaire with everything
Kerry says:
I was thinking that when you were talking about the punishment aspect earlier.
Lee says:
if you wish to be rich, then you will become isolated from people who are genuine
Lee says:
if you wish to be poor, then you will experience sympathy and care
Lee says:
but you will also suffer physical hardship
Lee says:
to sum up, you cannot be greedy
Kerry says:
what did you wish for, to bring yourself to this point?
Lee says:
i wished that I could share with people my knowledge
Kerry says:
of course not. but greedy people wouldn't care about this sort of thing anyway. those are the people who rule the world as we know it.
Lee says:
and my life has enabled me to do that
Kerry says:
that's why you're a writer Lee.
Lee says:
because my life has taken to the wish
Lee says:
i'm different from everyone else
Kerry says:
it has.
Kerry says:
that's a good thing.
Lee says:
I just need people to understand that I made it, and everyone else makes their own situation
Kerry says:
have you been talking about all of this all night? who were you with?
Lee says:
my situation is not ideal though
Lee says:
just by myself, I had a spliff with my housemates and decided to retire to my room and think about life, and it's meaning
Kerry says:
its probably a good thing. I mean, over the weekend with everyone else around. you needed time to yourself to process it all.
Kerry says:
do you think that other people understand this?
Lee says:
life is like a complex programme, but it's codes can be changed
Lee says:
program
Lee says:
sorry
Kerry says:

Lee says:
I wonder if other people get this or not.
Lee says:
I wonder if other people have done the same thing as me, or I am the first.
Kerry says:
I think they do. But everyone would think about it in different ways though.
Lee says:
Or whether I am the last, and everyone is just testing me
Kerry says:
You were describing things very mathematically the other night
Lee says:
I saw it in mathematical terms
Kerry says:
I think I can say, without a doubt, that no one is testing you.
Lee says:
well as an abstract construct
Lee says:
it was hard to describe
Kerry says:
see, math isn't a way I would choose to see this sort of thing. but I'll admit, I've done that myself.
Lee says:
i think that people know it, but are afraid to believe it, because society programs us that certain ways of thinking are 'insane'
Lee says:
The power of each person to change their own lives and shape reality
Kerry says:
many people are very closed-minded. more then I'm comfortable with, that's for sure.
Kerry says:
yes, I believe that Lee.
Kerry says:
I may be describing it in simple terms then you though.
Lee says:
there is more to life than meets the eye
Kerry says:
yeah
Lee says:
once we see the other levels, it is like discovering the other controls of a new car
Kerry says:
people decide the kind of life they want to ahve.
Lee says:
you get more control
Kerry says:
of course.
Kerry says:
the more options you know about, the more things you can accomplish.
Lee says:
they decide, but they don't just do it through work, they do it through understanding life, and manipulating the coding underneath
Kerry says:
I think this is the point where my understanding of what you're talking about falters.
Kerry says:
but I think ultimately I'm seeing the same (at least similar) result.
Lee says:
life is mathematics
Lee says:
every action causes a reaction, it is mathematical
Kerry says:
right
Lee says:
the smallest action, can have big implications
Kerry says:
chaos theory
Lee says:
yes, butterfly effect
Lee says:
it's much talked about
Lee says:
scientists question it
Lee says:
once you understand the patterns that make up what we understand is reality, we can start to change it, beyond physical manipulation
Kerry says:
the proof would be nearly impossible to collect. the science involved, the condistions... It can never be proven, really.
Lee says:
lets say that you wished to be rich
Kerry says:
you're telling me that you've worked out the code.
Lee says:
in order for that happen, your life must justify it
Lee says:
it could happen by you stumbling upon a suitcase full of notes
Lee says:
or being discovered for a movie, and you become a famous actress
Lee says:
you find the pattern that makes that happen, and you change it, life is made of patterns
Lee says:
or you could say that your parents won the lottery when you were young
Lee says:
or just working for it
Lee says:
it depends on which one you choose for you to happen
Kerry says:
what about the price. the punishment. did you decide what that was goign to be? Or is that just your lot?
Lee says:
the price depends on what you wished
Kerry says:
I don't think you deserve that kind of punishment.
Kerry says:
ok
Lee says:
if you choose to work for a living, you're with the majority of the planet
Lee says:
they will accept you because of your struggle
Lee says:
if you choose to have won the lottery, they will despise you, and you will always be paranoid about your true friends
Kerry says:
that makes sense.
Lee says:
i mean paranoid about people wanting you just for money
Kerry says:
yes, I got that.
Lee says:
but the fact is, that you can choose anything you want, just like that, and you wake up to a different reality than the one you left
Kerry says:
the wheels have been put in motion towards the desired result.
Lee says:
this is the new consciousness that people need to accept to make the world a better place
Lee says:
we could all live in paradise
Kerry says:
wouldn't that be nice.
Lee says:
but we have to not concede to our ego, but try our best to help others achieve what they want
Kerry says:
it seems to me that this kind of altruism woudln't warrant any kind of punishment at all.
Lee says:
there is always punishment, unless people learn to accept each other
Lee says:
once we learn to accept each other, then the world will be a better place
Kerry says:
that's true.
Lee says:
to accept others, we must learn to accept ourselves and accept our flaws and errors
Lee says:
everyone makes mistakes, everyone has that
Kerry says:
...and accept that other people are not looking for our flaws.
Kerry says:
that other people are altruistic deep down as well.
Kerry says:
not everyone, of course.
Lee says:
People are looking for flaws, all the time
Kerry says:
but they are out there.
Kerry says:
but they're not always judging the flaws.
Kerry says:
If I had to walk around all the time worrying that everyone was aware of all my flaws - or judging me for them - I couldn't be a happy person.
Lee says:
do you want to go to sleep now? you have to go to work tomorrow
Kerry says:
yeah, I was going to say that shortly actually.
Lee says:
okay
Kerry says:
I'm very interested in all of this though, so its hard to stop. lol
Lee says:
that's good
Kerry says:
we can talk about it more later.
Lee says:
your life will improve as if by magic
Kerry says:
lol
Lee says:
I'm being honest
Kerry says:
I'm not laughing at you, I'm just thinking about what that might mean.
Kerry says:
in general.
Kerry says:
I wonder what it would take for my life to improve.
Lee says:
once you start to understand, and awaken to it, you really can give yourself what you want and you don't need to feel guilty about it
Kerry says:
that would be nice, for sure...
Kerry says:
but we can discuss it more later on. Did you get my email earlier, btw? Wednesday maybe?
Lee says:
okay, wednesday is good
Kerry says:
ok cool.
Kerry says:
sorry to cut the chat short.
Kerry says:
...well, I guess its been over an hour.
Kerry says:
g'night Lee, don't forget to get some sleep.
Lee says:
g'night
Lee says:
can I copy and paste some of this conversation into my blog?
Kerry says:
sure, I don't mind.
Lee says:
thanks!
Lee says:
you have inadvertently helped me
Kerry says:
I was actually thinking of telling you to save the entire chat - might help you later - if wondering the questions other people might have.
Kerry says:
I've always believed in the socratic method.
Kerry says:
i'm not sure that's exactly what's been goign on, but question/ answer helps.
Lee says:
Logic allows freedom but at the same time prevents it
Kerry says:
it can. questions can divert.
Kerry says:
thats why I asked you earlier if you wanted me to stop asking them.
Lee says:
no I enjoy the questions, that's why I wanted to talk to you
Kerry says:
Ok cool.
Lee says:
no one can explain it, I never explained the meaning of life,
Kerry says:
no, I guess you never did get around to that part.
Lee says:
maybe it's easier through fiction
Kerry says:
maybe!
Lee says:
I can use characters to symbolise what I'm trying to say
Kerry says:
its certainly an other way to explain
Kerry says:
yes, I beleive a lot of writers do that.
Lee says:
but then people might misinterpret the message
Kerry says:
that's the danger.
Kerry says:
ok... i've got to go now...
Kerry says:
but write your fiction Lee
Lee says:
cya later
Kerry says:
maybe it'll be clearer then you think!
Kerry says:
g'night