Babysitting Evil

It was a few weeks ago when I had received a phonecall from an old friend of mine, Louise; I had been in the garden mashing up bumble bees in a jar when the telephone rang. She was going to attend a veterinarian convention in New York and needed a trustworthy friend to babysit a pet for the weekend.

I turned up at her house on the day of her departure, this was the first time I met Alfred, her pet monkey. She formally introduced me to Alfred before she quickly hugged him goodbye and hurriedly grabbed her bags to jump into the awaiting cab outside. He did not even look at me, he was busy bashing a plastic teacup against a barbie doll.

I knew that Louise was a vegetarian, so before I arrived, I went to the supermarket to purchase some meat; she had already bought vegetables and fruit for me and Alfred. I picked up the bag containing the raw cow flesh and told Alfred that I was going to the kitchen to put the meat into the fridge; he didn't respond; so I left him to his own devices.

On the counter in the kitchen, Louise had left a message:

'Make sure Alfred stays out of trouble. He's a chimpanzee, he doesn't eat meat. Plenty of fruit and vegetables in the fridge. Thanks, Louise.'

I went back into the living room; Alfred was gone! Suddenly, I heard an eerie scream from the upstairs bedroom. I ran up the stairs in the direction of the noise. A high pitched wail emanated from behind a half-closed door, I took a deep breath and went in. Nothing, but nothing could have prepared me for the sight that would brand the searing image into my mind's eye, and eventually put me in a mental asylum, years later.

Alfred was having anal sex with the next door neighbour's cat! The tabby had it's claws intrenched deeply into the mattress while the primate clutched it's abdomen with his large hands, moving it rhythmically up and down, all the while staring defiantly at me. My first instinct was to save the cat, although my second instinct told me that I wanted to gag; I did both at the same time: I grabbed the cat by it's front paws and pulled as I simultaneously vomited over Louise's pet monkey, which caused him to relinquish his grip. The cat released from it's impalement, flew across the room to land on all fours, and them scampered away. Alfred suddenly shot his load into my eyes, temporarily blinding me and I fell onto the floor crying.

After I had thoroughly washed Alfred's sperm from my face in the bathroom with plenty of soap and moisturized with lotion, I went back to the bedroom. Not to my surprise, the evil monkey had once again disappeared. Louise's bed covers were covered in vomit, a foul stench of partly digested meat products hung vehemently in the air. I removed the covers, bundled them up and went downstairs to the basement.

The laundry room was in the basement, I had been down there before, I can't remember when, but perhaps in another life or at Louise's last birthday bash. I flicked the light switch; no response, not even a flicker: the bulb was dead. I put the load of dirty linen on the floor, and searched the shelves by the basement stairway for a torch and a replacement bulb. It didn't take long to find what I was looking for, aside from owning a psychopathic cat raping monkey, Louise was very organized.

The dusty stairs creaked as I ventured into the darkness. The torchlight revealed a mass of cobwebs. When I had reached the bottom of the steps, I pointed the flashlight towards the ceiling in order to locate the expired bulb. Suddenly, I heard a chomping sound. Chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp. Panic-stricken I swung the light around the room and it caught movement, the circle of luminescence nervously traced back it's path to what I had seen. Alfred was sitting in the corner, holding a slab of raw steak in his hands and greedily devouring it; my meat, the slice of dead cow that I had bought from the supermarket that day, for me and myself only.