There's no excuse to be bored

There is one thing worse than being eaten by a shark, that is being eaten alive by a fellow human being. No actually, allow me to change my mind, because words on a page do change, the worse thing is someone telling you that they are bored. It's alright for kids to say it, they're still discovering the joys of free thought, but for an adult? It's absolutely and unflinchingly wrong.

The phone rings... I pick it up. It's my 'friend', David Maccaroni. 'Hey man, dude, I'm bored, I just don't know what to do with myself. There's nothing on television, and I've got nothing to do...' I press the mute button and call him a fuckwit retard.

Unmute. 'Hey David, wassup? How are you doing? How's life?'

'Boring man. Nothing to do. Bored, bored, bored out of my wits, man. I'm just really...'

'...bored?'

'Yeah man, I'm like oh my god man, like there's nothing to do...'

'So you decided to call me?' I reply nonchalantly.

'Yeah man, just wondering what you're up to and if you're as bored as me?'

'I never get bored David, always finding things to do with my time. Maybe you should try hibernating or cryogenically freezing yourself until mankind discovers a cure for boredom?' I reply sarcastically, in my favourite retard tone of voice.

Pause and silence on the other end. 'Ha, ha, ha, very funny man. It took me a while to get that joke, but I got it now,' he sighs, 'but seriously man, I'm so darned bored outta my skull...'

'Actually, I'm starting to feel a little bored right now...' I reply.

'Oh cool! Maybe we should hang out or something, go for a drink?'

'Oh man! A 747 passenger plane just crashed into the roof of my house! Gotta go!' I hang up.