A Day in the Life of a Karaoke Professional

I wake up, I'm tired, damn tired. I'm so tired that if I try to pull myself out of bed, my skin drags me back down. My eyelids are so heavy that they hang lower than my balls. I'm so damn tired that I can't move. You guessed it; I'm a karaoke professional.

When I manage to get myself out of bed, I drag myself to the shower. The journey is tedious and gruesome; I drag myself through the empty beer cans, pizza boxes, vomit and dead cockroaches. Sometimes I don't make it; it's tough, but I know that my salvation is the shower.

The cool water washes away the tiredness and the life seeps back into my weak and bony body. I growl as the energy floods my brain, bringing lyrics into my memory. I begin to sing the songs I know so well now. They greet my voice like a long lost friend and I remember what I am, a karaoke master.

Breakfast is leftover pizza from the night before, I scrape the plastic cheese and tomato bits off the cover of the boxes. Eating them like a beggar. Then I swill it down with warm beer thats been brewed overnight by cigarette butts. It's 8pm, I don't have long to get ready, my friend Joey will be picking me up soon.

With my revitalized vigor, I bounce to my room. I search the mountains of mouldy clothing on the floor for the cleanest item to throw onto my body. Soon I will sparkle on stage like a diamond, bringing happiness to the world. I sing, therefore I am.