Weiner soup, the best thing since sliced bread?... Probably

I eat pretty good for someone who only buys groceries five times a week.

Weiners, or hot dogs as non-Americans call them are the most awesome thing; they're easy to prepare and so many ways to do it.

Basically a weiner is a diced up cow in a tubelike package that is convenient and small enough to carry in a ladies handbag. They make weiners with a cow mincing machine. It is a giant steel funnel, at the bottom of which, are large blades that turn at a high velocity, chopping the creature's flesh into a slush. The cows line up at the top of a cliff, and a dog barks at them until they jump into the mincer. They come out as weiners on the otherside. Sometimes a factory worker will accidently fall in; but the percentage of beef will always be higher, the human ingredient is usually called 'mechanically separated chicken'.

I'm going to share a recipe of mine that's ideal as an appetizer or for entertaining friends or impressing your boss. It's called weiner soup.

The most important ingredient is water. Place the water in a large pot, and bring to a boil. Open a packet of weiners and put about twenty into the boiling water. Turn down the heat and allow to simmer for about two hours.

The secret to making great weiner soup, is to add salt; not too much, and not too little.

Once the soup is ready, serve and present in your most expensive bone china soup bowls. Be careful, it's hot! You'll get that job promotion that you've always wanted!