The HUNGER: It's awfully awful

I think there's something wrong with me. Sometimes, I get a feeling in my abdomen and it hurts. I've identified the sensation as hunger. There's only one thing that helps cure the hunger, and that is by devouring the flesh of a creature.

There are numerous creatures that happily roam this planet, they can all be chopped into pieces, cooked and eaten. Cows, pigs and chickens are the usual diet for hungry people. I had read on the internet that you can buy them already sliced into pieces at the supermarket or butchers.

'I'm hungry, I need to consume an animal!' I shouted angrily at the butcher. He gave me the head of a cow and told me to fuck off. I took Daisy's head home and set it on the coffee table.

Daisy was a good looking cow, large eyes and a friendly smile. I found a long knife, 'I'm so sorry Daisy,' I said as I sharpened the blade, 'but I must eat you to satisfy the lust in my belly.' She looked at me, unfazed. I glanced at the knife, 'this knife is no good for you Daisy, you deserve better...'; I went to the garden shed to grab the chainsaw. The hunger was beginning to wrench my guts, I had to act quickly.

Ten minutes later, my living room was covered in blood, brains, flesh and bones. The cow creature known as Daisy was no longer recognisable. 'I'm so sorry Daisy.' I cried, not knowing where to direct my communication as Daisy had become somewhat omnipresent in the room. I put down the chainsaw, feeling as though I had fulfilled some primordial urge in me.

I went to Burger King and ordered a double whopper with fries.